Category: words.

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scared to press publish.

chad-zebra-mask

the truth is – i’m scared to press publish.

there are 41 started, but not completed drafts sitting in the back end of my site.

so why am i so scared to share?

fear of failure.  not good enough.  rejection.  the snickering, the laughter.  incompleteness.
the inevitability that i very well might piss people off.  and sometimes – it’ll be the ones closest to me.

all of the above.  sometimes i think it’d be easier to write and post under a ghost writer name.
behind a mask.  steer clear of any direct criticism – silently taking in the feedback.

but,
imperfections are perfect.

sometimes it’s easy to forget that.
to lose track.  lose site of what is just down the road, around the bend.
the why of it all.  your purpose.  your direction.
who is this all really for?  what am i doing?  how do i let this – all this, out?
and all the while, somehow come out successful.

i read this post by megan gilger of the fresh exchange.  her posts are honest, and this one sent me that gentle nudge i was needing.
i get to define what success is for me.

my day job has been keeping me engaged and completely busy, but sadly that then means this here blog has gotten a little neglected.  thanks to my family, and my mother (who will be happy to see a post – she’s been bugging me for one for quite sometime, politely of course), and to the friends who ride the waves with me.  if only i could express my deepest love for each and every one of you to the fullest.  your wisdom, support, laughter and love is an endless sea.  thank you.

i may not post 3 times a week.  or even a month.
but hey – i get to define what success is for me.
and me, well, i’m currently on a journey.

thank you, dear readers, for sticking around – wherever you are.

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my weekend went a little like this…

friday evening i ended up in pickering for some wicked axe throwing.  BATL has opened up a new location there.  if you’ve never tried out axe throwing, i fully encourage you to do so.  it’s completely addicting.

i read this article which i found super interesting.  it caught my attention because, well, i’ve always loved those coca-cola polar bears!
which led me to this commercial.
i’d love to know what you think!

and then there was this article.  beautiful.  i love the idea of taking the same photograph over many years.  maybe i should try this.

myweekend
all iphone.

made soup.  again.  my favourite thus far being… 1 onion, 4 garlic cloves, 2 tbsp paprika, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/4 tsp cayenne, 2 cups of water with a bouillon cube, half a butternut squash and three carrots.  mmm. mmm. mmm. and then i made cookies.  coconut, oatmeal, walnut, toffee cookies.  just because.  and then there were dishes.  plenty of dishes after a weekends worth of cooking and baking.

laundry.  so much laundry.  sometimes i wonder how two people can have so much clothing and how often it feels like i have nothing in my closet.

i turned on some christmas music and started making christmas cards to give out to family and friends this year.  soon enough we’ll be putting up our tree.  i can – and should hold out i think until the last weekend of november.  we’ll see if i can last that long.

had a visit with the in-laws.  watched the senators sadly loose to the leafs.  yes – i live in toronto and i’m not a leafs fan. gasp!

tried to get as much sleep as i could.  even if that meant napping on the couch while josh watched a movie or played video games.  and my weekend mornings?  i didn’t set and alarm and i slept in as long as my brain would allow.  i haven’t been sleeping well so i’ve been taking all i can get.

and just like that – the weekend was over.  but what a relaxing one it was.  i feel content and at ease.  that might just be the jazz i’m listening to now.  who knows.  maybe i just need more sleep.  how was your weekend?

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hustle baby, hustle.

hands-in

it’s when we dig deep down do we find the scariest and best parts of ourselves.

throw caution to the wind.
go adventuring.
scare yourself.
do something wild.

hustle baby, hustle.

why stop here, why stop now.
you have the power
to be, to do
whatever the fuck you want.
own it.
embrace the unknown.

and these are just words – from inside my notebook.

Becky Gean and littlesiddallstudios – June 8th, 2014.

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self expression. pieces of many.

self-expression-photography

my brain – heavy
my knees – weak
you came without warning
left me barely able to speak

my vocab – little
yours – textbook endless
look into my soul
where there’s more
tell me.
can you see through the darkness?

yes.

we’ll still be friends
smile and wave
though my insides be aching
i’ll brave.

cause i’m a leo
through and through.
an arrogant
stubborn
pushy
jealous
lofty
brash
vain
smug
cunning
proud
over-ambitious
patronizing
temperamental
bossy
pompous
controlling
lustful – person.
you know it’s true.

so
party on
you’re a rockstar
wherever you are.

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weekend rambles.

typography-weekend

there are times when i like to doodle.  mind you, i’m not very good at it – but i find it soothing.  putting a pen to paper is not the same as putting these hands to a keyboard.  it’s a different kind of creative.  this past week i spent a great deal of time contemplating my photography homework – looking deep into myself – who am i?

am i the words i put to paper?  or the words upon this screen?
as the years pass and change, do i change or stay the same?

possibly only my notebooks can tell.  and a few select special people.  people who get it – and me.
i love people so much.  such interesting beings we are.  full of mystery.  full of excitement for life.

my phone died one evening – as iphones tend to do in cold weather – and for a few hours i remembered what it was like to be disconnected from everyone in my life.  even my music.  to just be with me.

my saturday mornings are similar.  there’s a stillness that falls across our apartment.  the only sound that can be heard is the steaming and dripping of my morning coffee brewing.  it’s the time i spend with myself before heading to the farmers market that i love.  it’s my time to write, time to spend with my cat tut, time to make a leisurely breakfast, time to just stare out the window at the people below.  in silence.  don’t get me wrong – i love when friends are around.  friends who appreciate the simple life.  the joy in the slowness.  the joy in small talk.  there’s a joy in food and drink that’s shared with others.  those are special people.  hold them close.

i could continue to ramble on – but i’ll save some for another day.
go do something that makes you happy on this last day of the weekend.
be a little selfish.  you’re worth it.
and tell me – how was your weekend? – wherever you are.

Becky Gean and littlesiddallstudios – March 16th, 2014.

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i’m just winging it.

cat-computer-collage

take a peak at my instagram feed and you’ll quickly notice that i spend lots of time with tut and my laptop.
do not be fooled though – the truth is…
i’m just winging it.
when it comes to this blog and the back end of things.

ha ha – back end.
i’m such a child at heart.

i’ve seen it happen to other awesome bloggers i follow – site down due to maintenance – i have nightmares about this happening.  do i have a backup?  how often should i backup?  should i care?  it’s just words.  words i never want to forget though.

one day this site is not going to work and i’m not going to know why.
because – i’m just winging it.

are you someone who’s just winging it too?  here’s hoping i’m not alone.
what can i say – i’m a creative first and techie second – but i’m learning!  google is a wonderful thing.

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you’ve got mail… the real kind.

there’s a wonderful mystery to receiving a parcel or letter in the mail.  and not just any parcel or letter – it’s the kind that comes from a real person.  and with the news of canada’s upcoming postal service change – all the more fitting.

i am one of lucky few who get to open such a package.  a package packed by a real person.  no machine was used in the making of.  the grin that comes across my face is like none other.  little notes and treasures hidden among the biodegradable packaging peanuts.

i am, of course, talking about parcels specifically sent from my mother.

when did it all begin? hmm… i believe it was my first year at college.  my parents own their own business – Workshop Supply – so naturally, my mom is able to ship things across the country with ease.

i remember feeling so independent the first time i received such a package.  i even had to show ID upon picking it up – i’m so grown up i thought.

laundry detergent
a new towel
articles ripped out of magazines
old pictures

were but a few of the items that came inside.  7 years has passed since i moved to toronto and i’m still receiving packages in the mail.  last month i opened one up to find a trinket box my grandma had given me long ago, probably lost and then found in my childhood bedroom, some pictures and birthday cards from highschool, a stamp, gold embossing powder, a pin of a christmas present and a tiny note from a friend hidden inside the trinket box.  it arrived to my work, finding its way to my desk.  (mom, christie – you both sure made my day!  thank you again.)

grandma-gift

when was the last time you sent something in the mail to someone?  i joined a postmark society a little while back, and don’t like to admit that i have yet to send my blogger pen pal a letter.  i even have a letter i was supposed to send to someone in Japan back in, oh, i don’t know… JUNE!  i’m challenging myself to do both of those things this week, because, who doesn’t like getting mail from a real person!  on time or not!  i even made both of my grandmas the little package pictured above as their christmas present.  stamped january through to december – i will write to them once a month, giving updates on the odd and awesome happenings of my life.  i’ve already received a letter from one of them!

i encourage everyone to take the time to send something to someone in the mail.  it will be fun for the both of you!  fun for you because you get to decide what to send – a package, a postcard, letter, a doodle, whatever you fancy!  and if you don’t tell them by text or tweet ahead of time, they’ll come home to a pleasant surprise one day.  the unexpected can be fun!  just don’t tell them if and when you’re sending it – because if you forget or it gets lost, or the dog eats it… they’ll never be the wiser.  classy.

***if you stumbled upon this blog hoping to read about one of my (and i’m sure one of your) favourite romantic comedies – you’ve got mail – then i suggest you head on over to Design Sponge, and check out the post that Amy put together inspired by the film.  or just go watch it – because it’s an awesome movie!  probably on my top 10 list to be perfectly honest.

Becky Gean and littlesiddallstudios – January 15th, 2014.

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movies i watched in 2013.

film-slate

hot shots.
chasing mavericks.
looper.
the hobbit.
ted.
frankenweinee.
bernie.
skyfall.
zero dark thirty.
butter.
valentine’s day.
hotel translyvania.
moneyball. x 2
beastly.
new york, i love you.
jeff who lives at home.
the experiment.
the perfect host.
being elmo: a puppeteers journey.
vegucated.
arthur christmas.
paranormal activity 4.
glengarry glen ross.
the man on the train.
les miserables.
the rum diary.
safety not guaranteed.
extract.
the giant mechanical man.
the beginners guide to endings.
blue valentine.
everything must go.
seeking a friend for the end of the world.
a good old fashioned orgy.
now is good.
the campaign.
limitless. x 2
beasts of the southern wild.
larry crowne. x 2
prometheus.
super 8.
30 minutes or less.
just go with it.
desperado.
what to expect when expecting.
12 monkeys.
oz the great and powerful.
ice age 4 – continental drift.
world war z.
ghostbusters.
ghostbusters 2.
starbuck.
the iron lady.
superhero movie.
movie 43.
i don’t know how she does it.
the help.
mugimundi.
salmon fishing in the yemen.
national lampoon’s vacation.
the place behind the pines.
how do you know.
hungry for change.
bad teacher.
aziz ansari – dangerously delicious.
aziz ansari – intimate moments.
the son of no one.
life of pi.
why stop now.
the internship.
star trek – into the darkness.
spring breakers.
sky captain and the world of tomorrow.
epic.
pain and gain.
this is the end.
the watch.
pacific rim.
percy jackson and the olympians.
mud.
youth in revolt.
food inc.
ghost town.
hanna.
the croods.
iron man 3.
the hangover 3.
i love you phillip morris. x 2
a knights tale.
my idiot brother.
it’s a disaster.
let’s go to prison.
children of men.
captain phillips.
the last exorcism.
monsters university.
42.
you will meet a tall dark stranger.
horrible bosses.
the descendants.
chasing ice.
hall pass.
year one.
the hunger games – catching fire.
man of tai chi.
big.
the wolverine.
o brother, where art thou.
elysium.
the hobbit: the desolation of smaug.
the muppets.
sleepless in seattle.
to rome with love.
vicky cristina barcelona.

that’s 114 movies!  and with the 4 i watched twice – 118!  that’s basically 1 movie every 3 days!

i’m not sure whether to be proud of that, or deeply saddened at the thought that i sat on my ass for who knows how many hours on end.  and no, i really don’t feel like adding it up.  go ahead – be my guest if you’re so curious.  and then let me know because truthfully i’m curious too.  i just don’t want to do the math.
also keep in mind there was a movie or two that i forgot to write down.
in any case – one hundred and seventeen is a lot!  if you’re interested in knowing my thoughts on any of the movies listed above – ask away!

i now give you permission to go sit your ass down on a comfy couch and watch a good flick.
popcorn included.

***update – the original post stated 117 movies but after chatting with mohawk, i realized that i forgot to list “the croods” and thus – 118!